The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
