This girl is more easily done than said...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
