someone get that fucking seahorse.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
