You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
