Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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