I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
