She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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