I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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