Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
