Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
