hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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