i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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