Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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