Im at strip club and am horny
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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