Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
