somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
