my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
