I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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