I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
