Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
