you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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