Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
