I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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