i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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