Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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