I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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