I only kidnapped one of them. chill
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
