Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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