I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
