her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
