And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
