If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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