I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
