all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
