he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
