weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
