Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
