when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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