I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
