xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
