Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
