We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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