please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
