Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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