it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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