Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
