genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
