Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
