I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
