I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
