Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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