A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
