My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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